If you are experiencing consistent conflict with your partner it is likely that you are not committed to seeing each other as allies.
In intimate relationship, we see the light and shadows of our partner and have the opportunity to be supportive and caring or critical and judgmental with the one we love the most.
We have endless opportunities to receive our partner’s feedback or put up our defenses and deflect what is reflected to us.
One of the most powerful ways you can empower your love life is to put your defenses down and receive the messages from your partner as gifts for you to learn from.
When we see our partner as an ally, we open to new ways of being and responding in our relationship and in the world around us.
Allies help awaken us to what we don’t own, accept, and love about ourselves. People and conditions we find particularly challenging help us to face things we have not wanted to face, feel things we have avoided feeling, and question beliefs that do not create the quality of life we truly want.
For example, a wife may be upset with her husband for being 30 minutes late picking the kids up from school because he was held up at the office again. The husband is often busy and overwhelmed with his work responsibilities and rarely slows down to have quality time with his kids. The husband loves his children but believes that working hard and making money is more of a priority than being an available father.
If the husband is willing to see his wife as an ally, he can become aware of his unconscious belief about work that keeps him feeling overwhelmed and unavailable for his children
The husband has a choice to either receive his wife’s upset as loving feedback about the importance of his children or defend himself and explain why work is so important and that she should understand his need to make money.
Without openness and curiosity, our partner’s feedback or judgments leave us resentful, frustrated, and self-righteous. When we’re willing to see our partner as an ally, these same judgments simply become an indicator that there is something for us to become more aware of and learn from.
Life is always giving us new opportunities and challenges to face. If you see your partner as your ally, your relationship becomes more supportive and nourishing.
When you choose to be an ally to your partner, you see more ways that you can offer loving feedback and be an amazingly supportive partner.